Twisting the truth
by Murrinholi
Summary: Witnessing his string of meaningless flings was breaking her heart and lying was the only way she could deal with it.


**_Twisting The Truth._**

Liar.

Liar.

Liar.

The word echoed inside her aching mind like a live bullet ricocheting off shaky tin walls as she cradled her heavy head inside her shaking arms. Weakness pulsated through her entire body as though it was some sort of drug he'd just injected straight into her bloodstream. She cursed herself over and over and over, grabbing and grasping hold of her once glossy, crimson mane as though it was a security blanket shielding her from his eyes, from their glares, from her own throbbing heart.

Tiny goose pimples covered her slender arms, like row upon row of brave soldiers, stood proud and tall ready to defend their country. But she'd never felt so vulnerable and open to attack than when they inhabited her fragile body. Never before had she felt so alone, so frightened, so incredibly small.

Liar. She'd thrown the word at him spitefully. Desperately wanting to believe that what he was saying had no basis in their truth. Desperately wanting to believe that he was reading from a different book, or at least a different chapter. Now she was beginning to doubt if they had ever even been on the same page. The word had come back to her quicker than even she had expected, like a homing pigeon or a boomerang destined to come home again. Liar. The word cut through her like the sharpest of knives, its reality hovering in the misty air before her as she tried repeatedly to repel it without success.

She'd gazed at the wooden floorboards absorbing even the tiniest of flaws in intricate detail in a vain attempt to avoid contact with those piercing blue eyes she'd instantly fell in love with all those years ago. But he was wise to her tactics, moving closer and closer with every painful accusation, invading her personal space, forcing her to look upwards and fight for her right to occupy the area in which her body stood. She could still hear his vicious words now, as though he was before her once more, projecting his anger in her direction.

She reached forward increasing the volume on her stereo to its maximum hoping, to no avail, that he would float away along with the rhythm of the track which filled the entire house. He was still there. But that was no surprise to her. He was still there. He always had been and always would be.

Liar. She spoke the word out loud now. There was no one around to hear but that didn't bother her anymore, it had been a very long time since anyone had stopped to really listen to what she had to say. She drew strength from the actual truth in her use of the word this time. It may have been empty when she'd launched her malicious tirade against him earlier, but now truth was illuminating the entire room. She drew herself up from the protective cocoon which she had created for herself amongst the crumpled blankets which adorned her bed, catching sight of herself in the mirror as she did so, She wiped her now dark crimson cheeks repeatedly in a vain attempt to remove any evidence of the wreck he had unknowingly reduced her to once again. She gazed into the mirror, as a pale, exhausted red head stared back at her, almost pleading for this eternal circle to stop. Her inner voice screamed that she had to move on but his voice screamed back just as loud. She could never move on while he still had the power to affect her like this. No one else had ever had such an intense power over her and she doubted that they ever would, because although she'd refuse to admit it to anyone who dared ask, this power was love and it was as real today as it had been all those years ago.

Liar is a four letter word and it hurt her much more than any nasty, unnecessary expletive ever could because it was overflowing with a naked truth. She was a liar and, worst of all, she was lying to herself about being a liar.

Every single day she told herself that he meant nothing, that he never had and that he never would. She'd even almost managed to convince herself.

She was a liar and she was good at it. And she was ashamed of just how good at it she actually was.

Witnessing his string of meaningless flings was breaking her heart and lying was the only way she could deal with it. Seeing him fawn all over his latest conquest at the function today had been just too much. Hoping to seek sanctuary she'd escaped to the toilets only to find her reapplying her makeup under the harsh lights of the bathroom. She could only presume that she was going to all this effort for him.

She remembered a time not so long ago when she did the same, well why wouldn't she? She only did it every morning. Rising early to make sure she looked her best, just in case their paths would cross that day. And they often did. This town wasn't big enough for the both of them. She wasn't sure exactly why she did it, it was somewhere between wanting to show him that she could survive without him in her life and wanting him to realise what he was missing.

Either effect would be satisfactory, she just wanted him to care. Deep down she wanted, no she needed, him to want her just as much as she wanted him.

She'd fled from the bathroom as quickly as she'd made her approach there not wanting to have to make conversation with her, after all being bitchy wasn't something she enjoyed it was just an attitude she adopted to shield herself from any more pain.

Liar.

"I don't want another fight".

Those had been his first words as they literally bumped into each other.

He was lying.

A fight had been exactly what he was looking for. She could see it in his eyes. It hadn't been long enough for her forget that look.

Sometimes, when she was bored, she'd wind him up until she saw that look and then she'd prod him ever so gently off the edge. Fighting had been a big part of their relationship it still was and, she hated to admit it but she'd enjoyed it.

Because at least if he got worked up then she knew he cared. When the romance slowly drifted out of their relationship, the fact that they always made up rather than broke up had held her together. That is until making up became too hard to do and her walking away took its place.

Liar.

As they stood just inches apart in the narrow, cramped corridor which led to the restaurants toilets she took a deep breath before looking up and almost losing herself in those beautiful blue eyes. For the briefest of moments she'd actually considering confessing her love for him. But the smirk which spread across his face had soon changed her mind.

"Need to get by, Jen " he'd almost snarled and immediately anger filled her body as the defensive walls came up around her. She'd launched into her defense, bitter and spiteful. "I wish I'd never met you". She'd lied.

"Liar." he snapped.

He'd seen straight through her instantly. He stopped inches from her face and looked at her.

The spark had gone from her eyes.

Only once had he accused her of not loving him. He thought she was in love with the excitement and the sheer passion of their situation, rather than Jethro the man.

How wrong he was. Not that she'd ever correct him. He was right, she was a liar. She'd never wish that she hadn't met him, because she loved him. And no matter how much that was hurting her now, she wouldn't swap the time she'd had with him for anything.

Even if he crushed her to a shadow of her former self she couldn't imagine life without him.

She'd rather be his enemy the big bad boss than nothing at all. As long as he was in her life it didn't matter.

So for as long as is necessary she will continue to lie, to him, to others and to herself.

For she tells herself constantly that it will all work out.

That one day she will say that she doesn't love him

and

she will truly mean it.

**Liar.**


End file.
